Ascension Day
Updated: Sep 22
Content Rating: PG-14
The "Television Show" for Books presents:
"Ascension Day (Part 1)"
Jimothy Dyck’s wife got caught up in the rapture – vanished dry.
It happened on a Tuesday.
They were making breakfast.
Jimothy squirted ketchup all over his scrambled eggs.
“That’s disgusting.”
Maria rolled her eyes.
Then – poof – she was gone.
“Maria?”
Jimothy blinked.
He looked down.
Her clothes lay crumpled on the kitchen floor.
“Mmm…”
Jimothy moaned, slowly unbuttoning his white-collar shirt.
“I’ve been a naughty boy!”
He kicked off his trousers, grabbed a wooden spoon, and hurried to the bedroom.
But the bedroom was empty.
She wasn’t there.
Or anywhere.
“C’mon, Maria…” Jimothy groaned, “some of us have to work.”
Just then, Jimothy’s carpool pulled into the driveway.
“Crapola!”
Jimothy yanked up his cotton briefs, hopping on one foot.
“Love you, babe!”
He glanced back toward the bedroom.
“I’ll bring dinner!”
And bolted outside to see Devin’s minivan idling in the driveway.
“Right on time.”
Jimothy opened the sliding door.
A red stiletto fell to the pavement.
“Where the hell is Karen?” Jimothy asked. “Her stuff’s in my seat.”
Ted from Accounting turned to the back seat.
“She was right there.”
Jimothy picked up a red satin bra.
“Devin,” Jimothy teased, “are you sleeping with Karen?”
“Shut up, Jimothy,” Devin snapped. “I’m trying to drive.”
But the Hollywood Freeway was a traffic jam nightmare.
“We can’t go back,” Devin bitched. “There’s a wreck up ahead.”
An ambulance raced past on the shoulder.
Alarms blared across the city.
“Try calling,” Jimothy suggested.
“There’s no service,” Ted replied.
“We haven’t moved an inch in an hour,” Devin fumed.
Jimothy’s knee bounced impatiently.
People were starting to abandon their vehicles.
A dishevelled-looking man shuffled between rows of cars, his suit torn at the sleeve.
“Check out this corporate zombie,” Jimothy said.
“You literally work in sales, Jimothy,” Ted pointed out.
“I’m working on a screenplay.”
Jimothy downed his coffee and got out of the van.
“Where are you going?” Devin asked.
“To get more coffee,” Jimothy replied, heading across the freeway toward Mike’s Diner. “I’ll be right back.”
Ted watched Jimothy walk away.
“That’s not a real job,” Ted muttered.
Ted got out of the van and followed Jimothy.
Mike’s Diner was bustling with the usual riff-raff.
Jimothy ordered a coffee and doughnuts to go.
A preacher on the television warned:
“The end times are nigh!”
Jimothy checked his watch.
“What’s taking so long?”
“Sorry for the wait,” Mike grumbled, handing Jimothy his order. “Two of my servers didn’t show up for their shifts.”
“Nobody wants to work anymore,” Jimothy scoffed.
“C’mon. Let’s go,” Ted urged. “We’re going to be late.”
Jimothy and Ted walked back to the freeway.
The traffic had already cleared.
Devin’s minivan was nowhere in sight.
By the time they got to work an hour and a half later, the office was on lunch.
Jimothy barged into the break room, looking for Jerry.
“I need him to approve the quarterly sales report.”
“Jerry got raptured this morning,” Suzi replied.
“Same with Karen,” Devin said.
“Yuppers,” Ted confirmed.
“Raptured?”
Suzi nodded.
“Hallelujah!” Jimothy exclaimed. “Does this mean I can take a religious holiday?”
“You’re not religious, Jimothy,” Suzi said.
“But I go to church.”
“Okay, people,” Cheryl from Human Resources interrupted, “lunch is over.”
“What about the rapture?” Jimothy asked.
“What about it?” Cheryl replied.
“Shouldn’t we go?”
“Where?”
“To Heaven.”
The entire office was silent.
Jimothy looked at Cheryl.
Cheryl looked at Jimothy.
“Ohhh.”
“I should call Maria.”
“Maria’s gone, Jimothy. They’re all gone.”
Nobody wanted to tell him.
“Why are you still here, Jimothy?”
“I-I don’t know…”
“Go back to your desk.”
Jimothy wandered to the window trying to make sense of it all when a commercial airliner fell from the sky.
End.
