Memento Mori
- Alan Wiebe
- 10 hours ago
- 3 min read
Updated: a few seconds ago
Content Rating: PG-14
Behold.
A pale horse.
He that sat upon it was the Son of Man – and death followed with Him.
I, Jimothy Dyck, bore witness to the Second Coming.
Thy kingdom came in this year of our Lord.
My wife, Maria, got caught up in the rapture.
I was left behind.
Maybe if I wasn’t such a bastard – I’d be better off.
But now I’m barricaded in the office.
Along with all the other left-behinders.
Then a mighty voice boomed from Heaven.
“Rise, my children!”
And the dead in Christ rose from their graves.
The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people were raised to life.
“This isn’t in my job description!” Ted from Accounting screamed as he braced the front doors with an overturned desk.
“Stay calm, people!” Cheryl from Human Resources yelled.
“Fuck this!” Devin exclaimed right before he bolted through the emergency exit.
Then the Lord, my zombie Jesus, came down from Heaven.
And lo, the corpse of Christ shouted:
“Eat my flesh.”
“Drink my blood.”
“Be with me in everlasting life.”
The Day of Judgment had arrived.
And it came to pass that the army of the dead descended upon the office.
Their flesh rotted while they stood on their feet. Their eyes dangled from their sockets, and their tongues hung from their mouths.
There arose loud wailing and gnashing of teeth.
“Run!” Ted yelled as the double-glass doors began to crack. “I’ll hold them off!”
“What about payroll?” Suzi pleaded.
“You’re in charge now.”
Then the glass breaketh.
And the office was overrun.
Ted disappeared among the dead.
I heard him no more.
Woe to those who remained.
Cheryl and Suzi took cover in their cubicles.
“This can’t be happening!” Cheryl shrieked. “I’ve only got one week left until retirement!”
“Everything is going to be okay,” Suzi reassured her.
Verily, verily, I say unto thee:
Everything was not okay.
Suzi silently detached the paper-cutter blade.
Cheryl hid under her desk, filling out an incident report.
“I have to submit this form to Health and Safety.”
“There’s no time.”
Suzi grabbed Cheryl’s hand, and they crept into the aisle.
A group of zombified middle managers blocked the stairwell.
Suzi picked up her office phone and dialed the next cubicle.
The managerial zombies shuffled toward the ringtone, compelled by some unnatural instinct.
When the coast was clear, Suzi slipped past the water cooler with Cheryl right behind.
But the Director of Sales smelled Cheryl’s hand cream.
The Director circled back.
Cheryl froze.
He reached out to touch base.
“That’s inappropriate!”
Suzi’s blade fell upon the unholy creature.
Its head rolled across the carpet.
“You’ve been let go.”
The dearly departed lurched toward them.
Suzi cut a path to the stairwell.
The horde surrounded Cheryl.
Cheryl was led to the slaughter.
She never did make it to her condo in Florida.
Suzi fled to the third floor.
There she found me.
“You’re alive.”
“Yea.”
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death – I shall fear no deadline.
For you are with me.
Then we found Devin at his desk.
“I thought you bailed!” Suzi exclaimed.
She put a hand on his shoulder.
Devin lunged.
His teeth sank into her arm.
Suzi cried out.
She turned toward me, licking her lips.
“Nope!”
I pushed up my dark-rimmed glasses and ran for the roof.
But there was no escape.
Suzi cornered me.
Ted stumbled into view, covered in bite marks.
Cheryl came back from the dead.
She still had unfinished business.
Devin joined the feast.
The entire office partook of mine flesh.
Then I slept for a time. Times. And half a time.
On the third day, I was raised unto everlasting life.
To meet the bridegroom.
For the marriage supper had begun.
Let no man edit the words of this book – all rights reserved. If any man republishes or distributes this work without the consent of the publisher, may he forever be cursed to the fullest extent of copyright law.
In the name of He that liveth, and was dead; and is alive for evermore.
Amen.
End.