Eat, Pray, Shun

S02E03: News from Planet Colonia - The Shunning-Ing Continues, "Eat, Pray, Shun"

Content Rating: PG

Stardate (SD): SD.3088.04.11

It’s time again to let you in on some more juicy deets from Planet Colonia.

I’d like to report an unusual engagement. Melvin Toews from Altoona Colony got engaged to Sadie Peters, widow of Mr. Peter-Peter-Peters. Although they’ve been around since the Carter administration, they looked like a couple of kids in love thanks to modern life extension technology. I barfed in my mouth a little.

We hear Ranold River went on a bad trip. Maybe he shouldn’t have eaten those alien mushrooms he found in the forest.

Mrs. Cheryl Selanne got the ick last week from touching the inside of a wet, plastic bag. She’s still in bed. Mr. Selanne now does all the cooking, cleaning, and maintenance. Their grandchildren sometimes help, but they usually just make everything more annoying.

Mr. Jameson Stanley’s got the sharts, taking sick just after his wife recovered. Their son also had the sharts.

The smallest son of Vlad Narth had a temper tantrum. It got pretty bad, but he managed to pull through without his blankie.

Mr. Evalt Reimer returned from New Colonia City on SD.03.08. He had an operation on his leg and is feeling much better. Hopefully, this storyline is over.

A welcome box of freight from Planet Earth arrived at Willy Dyck’s place. Thank you most heartily for the parcels. I’m glad you like the News from Planet Colonia. Thanks also for the quilt, Mother.

Special thanks to our dad, Mr. Jimbert Dyck, for the package. We’ll send you a few Dyck family pics soon – don’t give up on us!

Longah Naze Turnip from the Western Frontier made a farewell visit to our colony. Mr. Turnip plans to retire in the tropical paradise dimension. He sold everything at auction on SD.03.18. Several people from Steinbach Colony attended the sale. We were there as well. My husband, Jimothy, bought a box of old vinyl records.

The Jakob-John and Beatrice Funks got wrecked in a starship accident. One boy was hurt a little, but nothing serious. Mr. Funk entered the wrong destination code to Earth and crash-landed in the Pacific Ocean. They were rescued by internet pirates.

A new boss was hired at Terraformation Co. It must be a difficult job, since all the executives bounce as soon as they cash in their bonuses. Mr. Oculus Tide is the new Chief Executive Officer, taking over for Mr. Stanley, who got fed up and told the Board where to go.

That’s life on Planet Colonia!

Until next time,

May the Lord bless thee and keep thee – from wearing socks and sandals.

Mrs. Maria Dyck

Colonia Steinbach

Planet Colonia

Milky Way Galaxy

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